So... had a nasty bout of "shutting down" again as the weekend encroached. Fortunately a bachelor party for Andy and the consumption of vast quantities of alcohol + sidestream nicotine + attractive skin of the female persuasion headed it off pretty abruptly.

Well, maybe not headed it off, but ( distracted from it )As is apropos to the secretive, fraternalistic-order-like nature of bachelor parties, I won't divulge any more of the details, except to say that Andy did his usual and showed us all up on the dance floor at Halo (whoop... ingredient number five; music) before we made it to Echo, and shortly after leaving there we all collapsed in various states of disarray about the hotel room. By some miracle I awoke in time to run off to Easter service without waking anyone.

Easter service was something of an ordeal, but I slogged through via four cups of coffee beforehand and collapsing at 2:00 afterwards.

Not a great deal more happening... got out to see Watchmen again with a friend on Friday. I think the flick still holds up quite well; we even had applause at Rorschach's line again despite only a dozen people in the theater. The only bad point is that "Silk Specter's" relative lack of acting ability really sticks out more the second time around. Hers is probably the most difficult role in the film, and she is plainly the worst actress. (TJ? You finished with my copy of the book? I think I want to read it again.) Now word comes down that Rorschach is cast as the new Freddy Kreuger in the Nightmare on Elm Street remake. Part of me wants to see him in the part... but the rest of me realizes that a remake is going to be populated with more completely interchangeable night-time teen drama stars and be largely unmemorable as a result. Besides, Freddy's attitude is essentially the opposite of Rorschach... lighthearted sadism rather than downbeat sociopathic stoicisim. This also has him going from being the avenger of kiddie-fiddlers to playing one... not sure how I think that transition will go. Hell, at least they probably aren't going to turn him into a pot farmer, like Jason Voorhees.

Other flicks... I'm reaching the end of one of my "50 movie box sets" of DVDs, an accomplishment of which I am uncommonly proud and thus a completely hopeless case. I finished up a Corman flick "The Last Woman on Earth" (1960) the other night that I found much better than I'd expected. I don't think I've really grasped the core appeal of Roger Corman yet, but I think I got a glimpse of it in this flick. Corman is perhaps the most famously penny-pinching producer in the history of Hollywood. In a typical Corman flick the acting is rough (probably because they hadn't enough film for more than a couple takes) the sets are laughable and the props are terrible. But if you wanted to be on film, he's sure as hell the man to go to; he's the original master of throwing a thousand things at the wall in the hope that .1% would stick, he couldn't afford to put much of a budget into any of them. One of his other flicks, the original Little Shop of Horrors (no, the one the musical was based on) is laughably awful; essentially a series of running jokes all mashed together (there's the Russian/Jewish skinflint shop owner, the lotus-eater, the Jewish grandmother whose relatives were always dying, the sadist dentist, and of course Seymore, his mother, and Audry), the sets are threadbare (a flower shop interior consisting of three card-tables holding flowers and a cash register) and the monster is a nine-foot tall paper mache' construction. How cheap is the flick? The opening titles play over a clumsy pencil sketch of a city street complete with erase marks and Marquees where the titles don't really fit. Honestly, the only notable part is a creepily-good turn by Jack Nicholson (!?!) as a nebbish, tooth-sucking masochistic dental patient seeking out the most painful dentist in the city.

Anyway, ( Last Woman on Earth ) I know it was merely a story mechanism for the film, but the fact of the event's actual occurrence lends it a chilling quality that's probably lost on most viewers. Always remember, Mother Nature is a bitch who is totally planning to kill you at the first opportunity through crafty and nefarious means. By its own standards, the film is a somewhat clumsy (several scenes seem to be missing entirely) but surprisingly poignant examination of the failings of the human spirit under extreme circumstances. Characters flawed enough to grant surprising depth, and clumsily directed enough to be granted a touch of authenticity, this dollar-store cheapie ends up much much better than it has any right to be, and may actually be granting me a bit of insight into the "cult of Corman."

On the other hand, we have Dreamwork's latest offering; the 3-D animated feature ( Aliens vs. Monsters ), the film is not soulless, but it does perhaps possess some congenital heart defect. Pixar, even under the watchful eye of the mouse, created better realized characters of depth and sincerity without any dialogue the last time out, and managed to be more exciting and heartstring-tugging to boot despite similar burial beneath leaden social themes. From the moment I realized they were compiling 50's movie monsters into this flick, I really wanted to like this flick. And I do, but I seriously doubt this will ever be anyone's favorite CGI flick.

Well, we got off to a rollicking good start of the year last week, so here's hoping I can keep all y'all's interest with this week's offerings. As I'm sure most of you are aware, my other major entertainment interest is in animation. Come to think of it, it's rather startling that it's taken me this long to combine the two. However, I'm going to play against type, and NOT treat y'all to anime-horror flicks, instead tacking into the more obscure corner that is stop motion animated film.

As I've done a few times before, this week's movies come with a caveat... they're not really organized into "good, bad," as I happen to think both of these flicks are pretty good. The latter one, however, has (incorrectly) seen more than its share of bad reviews... largely because the two came out almost simultaneously and were compared directly to one another. (Also note, this week's offerings mark another rare instance of "kid friendly movie night")

The Honeyed Wensleydale: Wallace and Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005, 85 minutes) Wallace and Gromit, the comedy duo of a Welsh inventor and his loyal (long-suffering) dog, are the flagship characters of Aardman Animation (the studio that also gave us "Chicken Run"). Surprisingly well-known despite only having been in three prior productions (over 16 years) this was Aardman's oscar-winning attempt to move the pair into the feature-length. Unfortunately the conversion meant filling space with some uncharacteristically bawdy & scatological humor, but there's still more than enough warped intrigue, ridiculous action sequences, and a rabbit the size of a VW bug. Don't expect many actual scares... I mean, the monster is an herbivore for heaven's sake... but W&G's unique humor is up to its usual standards and makes for a thoroughly enjoyable flick. (Special thanks to Olivia for providing my copy!)

The Well-Aged Bleu: The Corpse Bride (2005, 76 minutes) Tim Burton's "The Nightmare Before Christmas" has long been hailed as one of the stop-motion musical horror flicks essential to scarring the developing minds of young children (...yeah, it's not a big category) as well as a seminal goth touchstone. His announcement of a second stop-motion musical horror feature (12 years later) led to immense anticipation in certain quarters... soured immediately upon the film's release. The difference lay within the genre choices... while the first film went for a more child-friendly cartoonish horror reminiscence of the Rankin & Bass holiday specials, The Corpse Bride is an almost perfect reflection of old Victorian ghost stories (e.g. Henry James's "The Turn of the Screw"), with just a light sprinkling of dry wit. The full skill of the direction and animation is focused on building the morbid atmosphere of dusty tombs and gothic spirits lingering in the arid society of a properly nebbish turn-of-the-century gentleman. (And make no mistake, the animation is stunning, so much so that most viewers think this is a computer-animated film.) Almost entirely character and atmosphere-driven, there's very little in the way of action or scares present, and the film demands much more patience of its audience than most are willing to grant. If you enjoy those antique stories, however, this one is a treasure.


One last note. I'm going to break with tradition and give advanced warning of the movie for the following week because... because this thing really needs a lot of advanced warning.

We're hitting movie #80, a milestone requiring special recognition. So I'm breaking out one of the real video nasties.

Southland Tales.

I'm not yet sure what I intend to follow that car wreck with...

So the grant that's been making my life hell for the last four weeks is finally handed over to the department for packaging and mailing on monday. The thing is literally out of my hands now, and I feel like I can relax a bit and take it easy.

The world, however, decides that the proper way to celebrate is to have me wake up sick as a dog this morning. Nothing life-threatening (or even the flu, since I got my shot this year), but let's just say that I couldn't hold a conversation longer than a minute at this point. Thankfully I've stocked up on cold meds in preparation from the last time I got knocked for a loop like this. (Incidentally, when sick, my energy levels vary wildly. Don't worry if I just cut this post off mid-sentence. It means I went to bed.)

I am, however, really bored. And probably too contageous to go anywhere. "Hitman: contracts" has proved a little distracting, but there's really only two ways to play it: 1) puzzle through the clues to figure out how the game wants you to do it, and accomplish it without raising the alarm once, or 2) get frustrated with #1, and simply kill every living person in the hotel until it tells you you can leave. I haven't gotten to #2 yet, and that kinda feels like missing the point of the game.

On the other hand, Canada has perfectly executed its plan to prove me a hypocrite. It's proven that it can take the crappiest, shallowest, most reprehensible material from TV land, the REALITY TV SHOW, and if they animate it, I will watch the fucking hell out of it.

Yes, I got hooked on ( Total Drama Island )

Whoop..... can't swallow. Need more painkillers. Laters.

So, we’ve come out the other end of the Halloween season and ploughed through famed, feared, and classic flicks for the month of October. How do I plan to bring us down after that lot? Why, by stepping back a bit on the scares and the gore and, instead, screening those favorites from childhood, the PG-rated horror flicks! The kiddie shiver primers! The “My First Monsters” coloring books! …OK, really, it’s the cult favorites that we’ve all got stashed in the back of our heads as the goofy monster movie specials that were tame enough to make it on network TV, but were enthralling enough to stick with us into our adult years. The stuff tailor-made to entertain and maybe even scare the bejeezus out of our formative selves before a night spent extorting candy out of the neighbors.

…at least that’s why I remember ‘em. Ah, the apparent immortality of youth.

(Unfortunately, we’ve got a bit of a problem, but I’ll come to that.)

Universal’s Legacy: The Monster Squad (1987, 82 minutes). Existing squarely at the intersection of “The Goonies” and “The Lost Boys” is this little lost gem, in which it’s up to a squadron of pre-teens to save the world from the revival of nearly the entire lineup of Universal Monsters. While its sentimentality and script is aimed squarely at the kiddie set, it does inject a surprising degree of menace from the leading monsters and the film’s effects and makeup are several steps above the expected. The legendary (and recently deceased) Stan Winston re-designed all of the monsters himself specifically to pay tribute… but not to impinge on any of Universal’s copyrights. And then there’s that one line for which the film is most famed…

The second film is a bit of a problem… I can’t decide between two flicks to round out the evening. One is “Mad Monster Party?,” a Halloween companion piece to the Rankin Bass “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” animations we all watched as kids. I’m not sure I’m actually cruel enough to subject y’all to this one. Boris Karloff does a grand job injecting some gravitas into his part, but practically nothing could counteract the fact that Phyllis Diller sings. Repeatedly. Maybe some judicious fast-forwarding? The other movie is 2006’s animated flick “Monster House.” The problem here is that it’s not actually that bad of a flick. It’s possessed of the same oddly off-natural scripting (and practically the exact same character dynamic) of “Jimmy Neutron,” the flick is nevertheless surprisingly gratifying in the way that the action comes right out and grabs people, even if the kids are the only surviving witnesses. The peak of the action… let’s just say you won’t be disappointed. I just worry that people will get bored without a legitimately bad flick to ridicule and round out the night. What say y’all? I may just leave it up to those who arrive…

Sooooo…… been a while, huh?

Weird weekend this has been. As a federal agency, apparently I get Monday off, so all the weekend duties I otherwise have to see to have been pushed off a day. (God knows when this will be posted, but this part is being written on Sunday.) Instead I’ve just sat around reading and obsessively watching episodes of ( BEN 10 )

But seriously, what else is out there that even qualifies as cartoons for kids? There’s Chowder (never seen) that I understand to be a somewhat subversive kiddie cartoon (like Spongebob), and I caught an episode of Flapjack, which I can only describe as a PROFOUNDLY creepy stationary version of One Piece. I’m really only interested in Adult Swim anymore, and that is readily waning. Family Guy I still find funny… on the rare occasion we get a new episode, American Dad is stuck working with tooth-grindingly bad character clichés, Robot Chicken has gone the way of AMV Hell, Superjail seems intent on deeply disturbing me (though I HAVE to figure out where I’ve seen that animation style before), and Tim and Eric will melt your brain. That only leaves Metalocalypse as something I legitimately look forward to… and even that seems to be near to hitting a creative wall.

How did this happen? There was that huge explosion of US animation about 10-12 years ago (spawning a few brilliant series and dozens that were OK but didn’t last six episodes), and now we seem to be steadily backsliding while all the kids advance their carpal tunnel to play video games instead. I love anime, but I love anime because I love animation. Why did it become acceptable to give kids the recycled trash from various low-tier series again. Why can’t we keep the medium advancing upwards instead of continuously backsliding and starting over again? Eh. I’m probably overgeneralizing.